Call Your Girlfriend
by Mackieluv23
Summary: Liv and Elliot are finally together in this story. But will things remain happily ever after or will life get in the way? this takes place if Elliot would have stayed on for season 13.
1. Chapter 1

Call Your Girlfriend

Chapter 1: Say It's Not Her Fault But, You Just Met Somebody New

Elliot sat at his desk typing quickly as he attempted to get his paperwork into Cragen under the wire. He looked at his watch as he hit the print button, smiling as he realized he had two minutes to spare. As he celebrated his tiny victory, Olivia moseyed into the precinct.

"You are just finishing that now?" She said. Olivia almost always had her paperwork in early. She fancied herself a bit of an overachiever.

"No. I was just editing some things." Elliot joked. He went into Cragen's office and placed his report on his desk. As he headed back to his desk, he asked Liv where Cragen was not noticing she was on the phone.

"Yeah, Kathy he is right here. Oh you want to talk to me. What about? Yeah I can meet you I will call you before I head out to lunch and you can join me. I won't tell him okay bye." Olivia hung up the phone and looked slightly stunned at the phone.

"What was that?" Elliot asked nervously.

"I don't really know. She wants to talk to me and she told me not to tell you." Olivia responded.

"You don't have to go."

"Oh trust me I am very interested in hearing what she has to say."

"I told her, Liv."

"Told her what?"

"Told her about us."

"You better not be serious. What would possess you to do that?" Olivia stood up quickly and grabbed Elliot by the arm pulling him into a far corner of the precinct.

"I couldn't spend the rest of my life lying to her… lying to myself."

"Why would you pick your anniversary to tell her?" Olivia whispered. Elliot looked surprised when she said that. "Don't tell me you forgot your anniversary was yesterday. Damn it ,Elliot."

"Well, not all of us have such wonderful memories, Liv." He said sarcastically.

"So now what? I really don't want to have to get in a girl fight with your wife. I like to use my lunch break to wind down."

"I hardly think that will be necessary. She probably just wants to talk. I mean woman to woman." Olivia crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow suspiciously.

"Okay. Well just in case take my gun. I don't want things to get out of hand."

"Wait, I thought this was a lunch meeting."  
"Well, I can't very well wait until lunch for this, now can I? God, El. Why do you have to do things like this? You know I don't do girl talk well."

"Liv." Elliot leaned close to her. "I did this for us." Olivia chuckled and looked around carefully before kissing him.

"This is going to be a blood bath. You know that don't you?"

"Yeah. But, it's worth it don't you think." Olivia shrugged. "Here let me remind you." He kissed her this time. She immediately realized what this meant. He finally chose her. After fourteen years, she finally won.

"Okay. I am going to go. Cover for me if Cragen ever gets here." Olivia said as she dialed Kathy's number on her cell and walked toward the elevator.

"No problem. I will call you if we get a case." As Liv got on the elevator Elliot ran and placed his arm between the closing doors. "I love you."

"Love you too." Olivia smiled and leaned against the back of the elevator as the doors closed.

Chapter 2: Til I Woke Up On The Concrete

Olivia sat nervously in Central Park as she waited for Kathy. She checked her watch every few seconds until she saw Kathy's dirty blonde hair cross the bridge in front of her.

"Hey." Kathy spoke first. Olivia was glad she did because she had no idea what to say.

"Hi."

"This is … awkward." Kathy stated what was obvious to her. Olivia just nodded as she stood up and started walking on the bike path. "Olivia, can we just be honest with each other right now?" They both stopped. Olivia couldn't bring herself to look into Kathy's eyes.

"Yeah. I think that is important."

"Okay. Well, I have some questions then." Olivia nodded cautiously. "Great. Okay. Um, how long has this been going on?"

"How long have we been sleeping together or how long have we been in love?"

"The sleeping together. I mean, let's be honest everyone knows you two have been in love since the day you met. I was fine with that as long as you didn't act upon it."

"Right. Um… okay… we only slept together once. I know that's what always gets said but, it is true."

"Okay when was this?"

"Um…I guess it would be about three weeks ago."

"You guess?"

"Well, yeah. I mean I don't remember exactly."  
"Right. And Did you use protection?"

"What? I mean, is that really your business?"

"Yes, Elliot and I have slept together since then. Thus I need to know if I need to get tested."

"Um… okay…well I don't have anything so I wouldn't worry about it."

"So you didn't use protection?"

"It was all pretty spur of the moment. I didn't really think about it."

"So are you pregnant? Is that why he feels the need to tell me this?"

"Um… no not to my knowledge. Unless you know something I don't know in which case please let me in on it."

"Then why now after fifteen years?"

"Kathy, I don't know. I was in a really lonely place and he was there. He is always there."

"I always knew this would happen. I mean look at you." It took all that Olivia had not to smile when Kathy said that. "Elliot's mom used to always make comments about the two of you. Did you know that?"

"She may have mentioned it to me at one point." Olivia stood in front of Kathy and finally looked into her eyes. They were puffy with tears. It was weird to think she had caused that. Suddenly tears flooded Olivia's eyes. "Kathy, I am so sorry. I can't stand here and say this was a mistake because to me it wasn't. To me it was perfect." There was a long silence betwixt them. Suddenly, Kathy swung her arm and punched Olivia square in the face. "Okay, I deserved that." Kathy hit her again. This time Olivia caught her hand before she made contact. "Do you really want to get arrested today?"

"No, I just am so angry with you." Kathy wiped tears from her eyes.

"You have every right to hate me forever but, here's the deal. You wanted me to be honest, right?" Kathy nodded. "Okay, here it is. I am not going anywhere. I love Elliot and he loves me. I know he and I ruined your life and I will always regret that. I have had a hard life and I have worked to be a good person and you know what I am a good person. So here I am hate me or don't hate me but, I am here. Olivia walked away quickly after seeing the rage rebuilding inside Kathy.

Just as she got in the car she got at text from Elliot. _We caught a case meet me and the vic at Mercy. _Olivia started the car and drove the half hour to Mercy.

Chapter 3: Sad Eyes You Are the Only One Who's Blue Skies Are Gray

"How did it go?" Elliot asked when he saw her exit the elevator.

"It was fine." Olivia said. She tried to hide the bruise that was forming on her potentially broken noses with makeup.

"What happened to your nose? Did she do that to you?" He asked as he grabbed her chin and pivoted her head for a better look.

"It was an accident. I am fine. So what do we have?"

"Haddie Peterson, eight years old. She showed up in the precinct with your card. We drove the extra few miles here instead of Bellevue in order to get the better pediatrics."

"Yeah. Makes sense. Okay, when can we talk to her?"

"The doctor said whenever. I was waiting for you."

Olivia led the way down the hall to find the room. She walked in carefully and saw a girl who looked relatively familiar to her.

"Haddie, do you remember me?" Elliot asked when he walked in.

"Yes, you are the policeman who drove me here. Your name is Elliot I remember because my dogs name was Elliot until he died." She said clutching a teddy bear.

"That's right. This is my friend Olivia."

"Hi, Olivia. I have been looking for you."

"Well, I am glad you found me. Do you remember where you got this card from?" She asked holding up a card from her pocket.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me where?"

"No."

"Why not?" Olivia asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Because he told me not to tell you. He said you wouldn't help me if you knew who he was."

"I promise you that is not true. I will help you no matter what. I pinky swear." Olivia stuck out her pinky finger. Haddie looked at it and studied it carefully before accepting it.

"So who gave it to you?"

"A seventh grader at my school."

"Do you know his name?"

"Yes, his name is Calvin. He is very nice to me. He gave me this teddy bear." Olivia didn't answer her. Her mind began to wander. Elliot saw she wasn't with them anymore.

"That is a very nice teddy bear. Does he have a name?" Elliot jumped in.

"Calvin told me his name was Benson. He said it was named after his real mom." Tears fell down Olivia's cheeks. Haddie crawled over and wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulders.

"Why are you sad?" Haddie asked as she hugged Olivia.

"I am fine, sweetie." Olivia said rubbing Haddie's hand.

"Well, then you shouldn't cry people will think you are sad."

"You are very right." Olivia wiped her eyes. "Okay, can you stay here for a little bit while Elliot and I go and help you and keep you safe?" Haddie nodded.

"You're gonna come back right?"

"I promise. I will be here to tuck you in tonight, okay?" Haddie smiled and nodded feverishly.

"Good." Olivia rubbed her leg and stood up smiling at her before she and Elliot left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: SO I AM GLAD MOST OF YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING THE STORY SO FAR. I LOVE TO READ REVIEWS AND LOVE IT EVEN MORE WHEN THERE IS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM. BUT, JUST HATE IS NOT COOL. I LOVE USING FEEDBACK TO DIRECT MY STORIES SO KEEP IT COMING. ALSO, ON A RANDOM NOTE, I HAVE LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE OF NYC GEORGRAPHY SO SHOULD SOMETHING NOT MAKE SENSE TRAVEL TIME WISE I APOLOGIZE. **

As Olivia and Elliot walked out of the room, a doctor approached them.

"Liv, this is the doctor who has Haddie's case." Elliot said as Liv attempted to collect herself.

"Hi, I'm Detective Benson." Olivia shook his hand.

"Dr. Smithson. Haddie's labs are back."

"And were there signs of abuse?" Olivia asked.

"Obvious signs of both physical and sexual abuse were found. She had multiple improperly healed fractures and bruising. Plus, vaginal tearing. She has been abused for years." Dr. Smithson read from a chart.

"Did you do a rape kit?" Elliot asked.

"We did but, there were no signs of any recent sexual encounters."

"Okay, thanks." Olivia said. She and Elliot walked toward the elevator. As the doors closed them inside. Elliot turned to Olivia.

"You know I can call Fin or Minch to question Calvin."

"No. it's fine. I really feel like I need to help Haddie. Calvin knows something and we need to figure out what. Plus, I think there are some things he and I need to talk about." Olivia tucked her bangs behind her ear. Elliot knew that was the universal Liv sign of end of conversation. There was a brief moment of silence as the elevator doors opened.

"Listen, El. I just… I love you and I love that we are us but, I can't help but wonder if we are making a huge mistake."

"Liv, we aren't making a mistake." Elliot began.

"No, just hear me out." Olivia cut him off as they left the hospital and headed towards the car. "What if something happens and this doesn't work out? I mean… I ruined your marriage and if we don't end up together what does that say about me? Plus, your poor kids. How will you explain this sort of this to little Eli? It's just a lot to think about." Olivia trailed off as they both got into the car. At first Elliot didn't respond. He turned on the car. After about a minute, he shut the car off again and turned to Olivia.

"My marriage was ruined long before you came along. I think even before I met you. As much as I will always love Kathy as the mother of my children, I can't imagine my life any better than it is with you. I need you to stop searching for a reason to stay unhappy and just let yourself smile." He said as he looked deep into her eyes. The kind of lovey dovey look people get in movies when they meet the person they will end up with.

Olivia paused and took a breath. She looked down at her hands in her lap. Elliot lifted her chin and kissed her lips. She leaned back and smiled.

"What was that for?" She whispered.

"To remind you that I chose you. And I will remind you every day for the rest of our lives." He responded starting the car and driving towards the precinct.

Once they arrived Cragen approached them quickly.

"Olivia, I think it's best if you stay here and try and gather some information on Haddie. I don't think it is a good idea for you to go see Calvin." He said before they could even enter the squad room.

"Captain, I promise I can handle this. He is obviously scared and he needs to have familiarity. Please let me do this. I just want to make sure he and Haddie are safe." Olivia pleaded as Elliot walked past Cragen, giving them some privacy.

"I just don't know that is the best plan. The carnage from the last time you two parted was pretty hefty."

"I know and I understand why you are worried but, you know I need to do this. Please just trust me."

"Okay, but, Elliot runs point on this one." Olivia nodded and headed into the squad room.

"ACS has Calvin listed in the care of his grandparents." Munch read from his computer.

"Right, but they live in Vermont. Why would Calvin go to a New York school if he lived in Vermont?" Olivia said walking into the middle of the conversation .

"Exactly my concern. So I called the grandparents. They told me Calvin never lived with them. In fact, the night they took Calvin from your care, Vivian changed her mind."

"Can she do that?" Olivia asked.

"She's his mother, Liv. She can do whatever she wants." Elliot said.

"Right, here's the next problem. Vivian's doing a nickel in Sealview for assault with a deadly weapon."

"Which leaves Calvin where?" Elliot asked.

"Well, I called Edison Primary School, where Haddie goes and they said no Calvin Harris in on their roster." Finn popped in.

"So there is a homeless 13 year old boy running around in New York and ACS has no idea where he is." Olivia said as she stirred her coffee.

"That's what I am saying." Finn stated.

"Okay, so we canvas the neighborhood around Edison and see if anyone has seen him." Elliot said. "Liv and I will take the East side of the school and you and Munch take the West." He continued. Elliot knew how much this case meant to Liv. Calvin was just as much her little boy as he was Vivian's. Maybe even more so.

Chapter 4 : I Want A Mom That Will Last Forever

After three hours of searching, everyone was being to give up any hope of finding Calvin.

"So what's the plan now?" Finn radioed over to Olivia.

"Keep looking. We have to find him it is after four and it's going to get dark soon." She answered. Munch grabbed the walkie talkie and radioed back.

"We can't keep wasting time following a dead lead. We need to focus on finding Haddie's abuser."

"And Calvin is the only one who can lead us to them. So keep looking." Olivia said. "God , sometimes that man drives me crazy." She said to Elliot as they walked down the street. As she was speaking Elliot tapped her arm a few times to get her attention. "What?"

"Look." He pointed to a boy on the street corner. He was holding a sign and pan handling for money. Olivia took a five dollar bill from her pocket and walked towards him. She placed the bill in his cup.

"Thank you, Ma'am." He said without lifting his head. Olivia stood there quietly waiting from him to look up at her. After a few seconds he did. "Olivia." He threw down his cup and began running. Both Elliot and Olivia chased after him. He ran down an alley. Olivia slowed her pace knowing the alley was a dead end.

"Calvin. What is going on with you?" Olivia asked when he finally hit the brick wall. He hit the wall repeatedly as if he was hoping to magically walk right through. Olivia grabbed him and turned him around. "Calvin, Honey please stop and talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you." He shouted.

"Why? What is wrong? What happened?"

"You sent me away."

"Honey, I didn't send you away. Your mom took you away from me."

"Liar!" He pushed her away. Elliot moved towards them. Olivia shooed him away.

"Why do you think I sent you away?"

"My mom said you wanted to get rid of me. She said I was a bad kid and too much to handle. She said you never wanted to see me again." He admitted as tears poured down his cheeks, which were bright pink from a combination of running and the cold autumn air.

"Sweetie, I would never say that. Your mother took you away from me. You are not a bad kid. You're an amazing young man. I have been worried sick about you since the day you left last summer."

"Why did you let them take me then?"

"I had no choice. I was no longer your legal guardian. I had no right to keep you." Olivia said wiping the tears from his eyes and cheeks.

"But, she didn't even want me." He said giving her a hug.

"Calvin, your mother is a very sick woman. She loves you very much but, sometimes her illness gets in the way of that." Olivia took his hands.

"She's in prison."

"I know."

"She left me all alone."

"I know and I am so sorry I wasn't there for you before but, I promise you I am not going anywhere." She hugged him again. "Now I need your help."

"With what?"

"I need to know about Haddie."

"She called you!" He smiled.

"She actually came to the precinct this morning. She was hurt pretty badly."

"I know. That's why I told her to call you."

"Okay, let's go talk about this in the squad room." He nodded.

Elliot, Munch and Finn stood a few feet behind. They each knew that Olivia was the obvious choice for Calvin. They also knew the unpleasant custody battle she was about to enter. Elliot wondered If he and Olivia's relationship was ready for such a thing. He also thought about the idea of raising yet another child. It was a lot to take in. He knew he sounded selfish and that the potential safety of a child was at risk here but, he already had five children and he wasn't banking on having any more.

Olivia put her arm around Calvin's shoulders and led him back to the squad car. He had a huge smile pasted on his face and so did she. Elliot hadn't seen Olivia smile like that in years if ever. He knew she had found her happiness and hoped there was still room in her heart for him.


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE- SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG WAIT. I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KEEP YOU WAITING THIS LONG EVER AGAIN. SO NOW WE GET TO THE REAL ACTION. HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS. I THINK IT'S GONNA BE FUN. TRUST ME I HAVE BIG PLANS. SO COMMENT AND ENJOY!

Chapter 5: Though the Truth Hurts, a Lie's Worse

Olivia and Elliot took Calvin into the children's interrogation room. Olivia gave him an orange soda and a hot dog. It was all he would eat when he stayed with her.

"Okay, Calvin. What do you know about Haddie?" Elliot asked as they both stay down.

"Um, well she lives right above the empty apartment I was staying in."

"Okay and what made you think she needed to talk to us?" Olivia asked.

"I hear everything that goes on in their house. At night, she would scream and run around. Then they would throw things at her. And yell. I knew that you could help her. So last week I followed her to school and gave her your card on the playground."

"That's really good. Do you know why it took so long for her to find me?"

"No. but, two nights ago the noise was really bad. I am not sure what happened but, there was a bunch of loud noise, like five big pops or bangs and then it was really quiet. Haddie left her house and ran. I tried to follow her but, she was too fast."

"Okay. Thank you, Calvin. We will be right back." Elliot said signaling to Olivia.

They stepped out of the room and into the hallway where Cragen stood.

"So we need to get into that apartment. I will call Cabot for a warrant. It is getting late, you guys get Calvin set up with ACS for the night." Cragen said.

"Captain, I am going to take Calvin. I already got it cleared with ACS. He needs to be some place he knows well and I still have his room set up." Olivia admitted.

"Okay, but don't let this jeopardize this case in anyway."

"I won't." Olivia said as she walked back into the room to get Calvin.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Elliot asked.

"No. but, it seems I don't have a say." Cragen answered. "Just keep her on track." Elliot nodded as Liv and Calvin entered the hall. Cragen headed to his office.

"You wanna take him to my place? I have to go see Haddie." Olivia asked Elliot waiting until she was sure Cragen was out of earshot.

"Can I stay with you?" Calvin piped in.

"Okay. We are going to the hospital. Meet you at my place later?" Olivia agreed. She leaned in and gave Elliot a kiss.

"Wait. You two are together?" Calvin asked Olivia covered his mouth playfully and led him out the door.

Chapter 6: In These Bodies We Will Live, In These Bodies We Will Die

Olivia and Calvin walked into the hospital just after nine thirty. Olivia flashed her badge in order to get them in after visiting hours.

"Olivia, are we going to take Haddie home with us too?" Calvin said as they stepped out of the elevator.

"Honey, come here." Olivia pulled Calvin over to a quiet corner in the waiting room. "Calvin, the only reason I get to take you is because your mother left you with me for a while and she took you back when she was distraught. Without that I would not have a case for you either. Haddie will have some place safe to stay and I will make sure of it." Calvin looked at the ground and then up at Olivia. He thought carefully before he spoke.

"We'll see." He said and began to walk towards the pediatric ward.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Olivia said as she followed him.

"Nothing. You just… I mean … you are too nice to let her stay in a foster home." Calvin said.

"We will discuss this further when we get home, Mister." Olivia said as they rounded the corner to Haddie's room.

"See you are a natural." Calvin chuckled. Olivia tussled his hair as they walked into the room.

"Olivia! You came back." Haddie said sitting up.

"I told you I would." She said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Calvin, I am sorry I told her. I am not good with secrets." Haddie turned to face Calvin.

"It's okay, Haddie. I was wrong about Olivia."

"Knew you were. When she came to talk to me earlier, she was so nice. She could never hate you. Right, Olivia?" Haddie wiggled into Olivia's lap.

"Um…Right." Olivia smiled. "So you feel better?"

"Yes. But, I have to tell you a secret." She said gesturing towards Olivia's ear. Olivia leaned in close. "I hurt them."

"Who?" Olivia said repositioning Haddie so she could see her face.

"My parents. That's how I got away." Haddie said still whispering. Calvin gasped. Olivia shh'd him.

"Where are they now, Haddie?" Olivia asked. Haddie shrugged. "Okay, thank you for telling me that. That is very good. I have to go make a phone call but, I will be right back. Calvin stay with her for a few minute." Olivia stood up and left the room.

She dialed Cragen's office number as quickly as she could.

"Liv, what's going on?"

"I am at the hospital with Haddie. We need to get into that apartment tonight."

"Why? What happened?"

"I think she killed her parents."

"What would lead you to believe that an eight year old girl murdered her parents?"

"She said she hurt them. Calvin said there were loud noises and then silence. I don't know I have to go with my gut."

"Alright, I will send Elliot and Fin to the apartment. Cabot woke up Judge Petrovski and got us the warrant a few minutes ago. I will keep you updated. See what else you can get out of her."

"Okay." Just as Liv hung up the phone and walked past the nurses' station she heard all of their beepers go off at once. She thought to was odd but, continued to think about how she would get Haddie to explain herself.

"Excuse me, Miss, I am going to have to ask you to step into the room you came to visit." A nurse said. She looked pretty rattled but, Olivia ignored that.

"Why?"

"Hospital policy." She answered ushering Liv towards Haddie's room.

"What? Since when?"

"Since we are on lock down."

"Lockdown? Lockdown for what?" Olivia asked trying not to sound as panicked as she felt.

"Well, I am not sure. It is probably just a drill." The nurse answered.

"You're not sure. What are you new?"

"Actually, yes. I just started last night. But, don't worry. I am looking for someone with more information."

"How do you even know about this lockdown?" Olivia whispered as she stood outside Haddie's room. She didn't want to frighten the kids.

"Well, we got this page but, none of us have seen it before. So we think it is a mistake."

"What did the page say?"

"I am not sure I am authorized to reveal that." Olivia pulled out her badge.

"Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit. So I think you can tell me."

"Yes, right. Well, we have a code white." Olivia scanned her brain in attempt to remember the color codes.

"There is an active shooter in the building." Olivia scanned her surroundings for an exit. Of course, the eighth floor of a hospital doesn't usually have any easy exits.

"We have security people on this. There is no need to worry." The nurse said.

"That explains why your shaking like a spooked puppy." Olivia took out her phone, again dialing Cragen's number. She knew if this were legit all units would be told to respond. It rang multiple times and then went to voicemail. "Shit." Olivia said realizing that this was for real. She hung up the phone without leaving a message and then dialed 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"This is Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan SVU Badge number 44015. I am currently located on the eight floor of Mercy General Hospital and I am seeking information on the possibility of an armed assailant in the building."

"I am patching you through to SWAT."

"Detective Benson?" A man asked after a brief pause.

"Yes. What is going on?"

"I am Captain Andre Jones of SWAT. We have gained word that there is an armed subject shooting on the fourth and fifth floors so far. We are unaware of his current location. There are four known casualties and at least 15 injured parties. We are doing our best to locate him before any more people are injured."

"Okay, what do you need from me?"

"Detective Benson. I need you to make sure the suspect does not make it on to your floor. The eighth floor is pediatrics, neonatal and intensive care. I need you to keep them safe." Olivia took a deep breath and looked into Haddie's room as Calvin reluctantly played a hand jive with her.

"You have my word, Sir."

"Detective. Don't try to be a hero. Just remain on your floor and keep it secure. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Good luck." Olivia hung up the phone slowly.

"What now?" The nurse, who had been standing there the whole time, asked.

"What's your name?"

"Katey."

"Okay, I am Olivia. I need you and the other nurses to get everyone in one room. I don't know which room but, make it one with heavy doors. Is there a room like that on this floor?"

"Um, yeah. I think the labor and delivery room should work."

"Okay, you do that. I will be right back." Olivia grabbed her gun from the holster on the side of her hip and held it down next to her leg. She stepped into a linen closet. Suddenly, when she was finally alone, her legs gave out and she slid down the wall. She broke down and began to cry. Her fear completely over took her. Could she really keep all these people safe? She asked herself. But, she knew she had to try for Calvin and Haddie and all the kids on the ward. She stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. After a few deep breaths, she knew what she had to do.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: SO I HAVE DECIDED TO INPUT A PLAN TO UPDATE BY FRIDAY OF EVERY WEEK. THAT WAY I HAVE TO HOLD MYSLEF ACCOUNTABLE. SO THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING BY OCTOBER 19TH AT 11:59 PM CST. SO HERE WE GO THIS IS A VERY SENTIMENTAL CHAPTER SO PREPARE YOURSELVES. AS ALWAYS CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS AND LOVE ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. THANKS FOR READING!

Chapter 7: Is Love Alive?

Olivia knew first she had to secure a perimeter. She had to make sure the entrances to the floor were all blocked. She ran over to the elevator first. She pressed her cheek against the door. She knew elevators make a hum when they are on and she prayed that she would not here that all too familiar sound. But, of course, they were still fully functioning. She quickly dialed the number Captain Jones had given her.

"Detective Benson, what's going on?"

"Why haven't you shut down the elevators?" Olivia asked attempting to pry the doors open. If they were open the elevator wouldn't move.

"The medical professionals on the other floors need the elevators to transport the injured parties to surgery. I can't turn them off."

"How the hell am I supposed to secure the area? There are four stairwell entrances along with the elevators. I have no back up and I only have two weapons. I know nothing about the assailant and you expect me to keep over a hundred people calm and safe for god knows how long. I am kinda freaking out here." Olivia admitted.

"Actually, you do know something about the shooter." Andre said after a brief pause.

"What makes you think that?"

"The hostage negotiator says she asked for you by name." He admitted.

"She? Did she give you her name?" Olivia scanned her brain for people she had arrested or cases she had made mistakes on.

"She hasn't revealed that yet but, she is looking for you."

"Um… okay then let me talk to her. Get an officer up here so I can talk to her. There is a door on the roof send someone down."

"I thought I told you not to be a hero." He said.

"That's like telling me not to be Olivia Benson." She said and quickly hung up the phone. She ran towards the room where everyone was sitting. She looked at the panic stricken faces of the people around her. She walked towards Calvin and Haddie. She sat down next to them and Haddie climbed into her lap.

"Are we going to die?" Calvin asked.

"What? Of course not sweetie. I would never let anything happen to you. I love you so much." She said kissing his forehead. "But, I have to leave for a little bit in a few minutes."

"But, you're coming back, right?" Haddie asked still clutching her teddy bear. Olivia squeezed her tight and attempted to hold back her tears. Olivia knew that this could end badly for her. She had dealt with armed hostage takers many times before but, this time was different. She had a family now. She had Elliot and Calvin and even Haddie.

"I am going to come back. I promise." Olivia said. Calvin looked skeptically at her. Olivia pressed her finger to her lips. "Now, I need to talk to Calvin for a second so go ahead and play with the other kids okay?"

"Okay, I love you, Olivia."

"I love you too." Olivia struggled to hold back tears. Haddie ran towards a doll house set up in the corner of the room. Olivia watched her play, dazed.

"Are you going to die?" Calvin snapped her back to reality.

"I don't know, Calvin. But, I need you to promise you will always look after Haddie. No matter what happens to me, you guys are family now."

"No, you can't leave me alone again."

"Sweetie, this is my job. I have to put myself in danger to make sure everyone else is safe. I need you to understand that." Olivia pulled Calvin closer to her.

"Why can't they send another detective?"

"Honey, there are a lot of grown up things going on here that I can't really explain to you right now but…"

"The guy shooting people is looking for you, isn't he?" Calvin cut her off.

"It's actually a woman but, yes." Olivia said after a long pause.

"And you're just going to give yourself up? What are you crazy?" Calvin jumped up. Olivia pulled him back down.

"I must be, huh? But, I have a duty to keep the people of New York City safe. I have been doing this longer than you have been alive. I know what I am doing." Olivia lied.

"Yeah, but you're giving me the when I am gone speech. So you have no idea what you're doing." Calvin said. As he finished his sentence, a noise came from down the hall.

"I have to go. I love you." She said smiling.

"I love you too. Please don't die." He responded. Olivia nodded as she crept around the corner.

She tip toed through the hallway. She had her weapon drawn just in case. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his face.

"Liv." Elliot said running towards her.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you." She said as he embraced her. She held on for what seemed like hours. The other officers proceeded to the room containing the hostages.

"I still feel like this is a bad dream." She said. He handed her a bulletproof vest and motioned for her to put it on.

"Did they tell you who the shooter was?" Elliot asked. He gave her a hair tie. She threw her hair into a loose ponytail.

"No, they just said it was a woman asking for me." She answered. Elliot paused and looked at her. And suddenly it clicked in her head. "Kathy?" Elliot nodded slowly. "Shit. Okay you can't come with me down there."

"Yes, I can and I am going to." He said.

"No, El, she will kill me if we are together."

"Liv, you can't shoot her."

"I am well aware of that. There is no such thing as a good shooting to IAB when the vic is the wife of your boyfriend." She said walking towards the stairwell.

"Liv, I love you." He said giving her the kind of romantic comedy type kiss she had always dreamed of.

"I love you , too." She walked into the stairwell shutting the door quietly behind her praying she would return to her family in one piece.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 8: When Somebody Loved Me Everything Was Beautiful

Olivia stood in the stairwell at the entrance of the fifth floor. She had been there for exactly seven minutes. She counted the seconds as she tried to focus. She took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. She had her gun aimed straight ahead. Her heart beat was loud in her ears and her normally steady hands shook violently. She tip toed towards the noises she heard at the end of the hallway . She stepped carefully over the bodies, checking each one for a pulse. By the time she made it to the end of the corridor she had a body count of six. Six people died because she couldn't keep it in her pants. Olivia's mind drifted back to before when she and Elliot were just partners. She thought about her first day in the squad room. All her life she knew she wanted to help the victims and she finally made detective. She was so ready to start her life. She was paired with this good looking guy in his late thirties who had been on the squad for three years. The moment they met there was an instant spark. But, for fifteen years they were able to keep it in check. But, something about that night three weeks ago. Everything changed and they could no longer ignore it. Suddenly she heard a gunshot that snapped her back to reality. She ran to the sound with no regard for her own life.

"Kathy, stop. You found me. You win." Olivia stood in the doorway of one of the rooms. The room was filled with about ten people. One man lay on the ground blood pooling around him. Olivia crept towards the man with her gun still aimed at Kathy. Olivia checked him pulse while keeping her eyes glued to Kathy's. "Okay, this man is still alive but, he won't be for long if you don't let him go. Kathy, we can still help you but, if this man dies it's out of my hands." Olivia lied. She knew Kathy was screwed the current body count was probably into the double digits. Olivia signaled for one of the doctors to apply pressure to the wound.

"He isn't going to make it like this. I am a trauma surgeon. I have seen injuries like this."

"I didn't want to do this."

"I know." Olivia said moving a bit closer and holding her hand up to the doctor.

"I sent the kids to my sister's house. I went to the precinct and took Elliot's service revolver from his locker. Then, I went to find you. I was just going to shoot you. Right in the head. I suppose I always knew. I mean, I have always been so jealous of your relationship. He told you so many things he never told me. I was just going to shoot you. Turn myself in right there but, you were gone. Cragen told me you were here. Can you believe that? He told me exactly where you were." Kathy stared down at the man on the ground. She spoke with an eerie lack of emotion. "I walked right into the hospital. Did you know they don't check purses after 7 pm? I asked If anyone had seen you. I assumed you used your badge to gain access afterhours. But, the nurse blew me off. I got so angry, I shot her. I thought it would be hard for me to do but, it was freeing."

"Seriously, he needs surgery. The bullet is still inside of him. I need to get him to the operating room or he will be dead in an hour." The doctor piped in again.

Olivia looked into Kathy's eyes. She saw the years of pain. Pain she had caused.

"I am so sorry. I didn't think about your feelings. I…I don't know what to say. But, I need you to let these people go. I can call a negotiator and get you whatever you want. No questions asked. Just let these people go. Look at that man he is going to die." Olivia pleaded.

"Why don't you look at him? This is your fault." Kathy shouted at her as tears poured down her face. Olivia looked down at the man for the first time. She lowered her gun as shock overtook her. She fell to the ground and crawled to him. She placed her hand on his pale face. The blood seeped onto her clothes but, she didn't care. She looked up at Kathy, the stunned expression stuck on her face.

"You're gonna be okay. I promise." Olivia put his head in her lap and shook him in attempt to help him regain consciousness. "Kathy, you can't just stand here and let him die. He was your husband for almost thirty years! He is the father of your children! You won't be able to forgive yourself if you let him die." Olivia pleaded as Elliot bled around her. "How did you get down here? I told you to stay upstairs." She whispered in his ear as she pressed her forehead against his. Elliot stirred as he slowly regained consciousness.

"I had to make sure you were okay. I couldn't just stand by while you went all Rambo and got yourself killed." He struggled to get the words out. His breathing was shallow and lips were dry. Olivia had seen people die, more than once in her life. She didn't like Elliot's odds judging sole by experience.

"You better not die on me." She said.

"I will do my best." He chuckled then, winced from the pain.

"You need to fight. I need you here. I can't do this alone. I have been alone my whole life and now I have a family, you gave me that. I need you here."

"Olivia, you need to stay strong for Calvin and Haddie. Promise me." Elliot muttered. Tears fell down Olivia's blood smeared cheeks.

"You're not going anywhere." Olivia smiled.

"Olivia, It doesn't hurt anymore. I can't feel anything. I need you to promise me." He begged.

"What does that mean? No pain that's a good thing right?" Olivia pleaded with the surgeon. He didn't respond. Olivia sobbed. She could barely speak. Elliot started convulsing.

"I promise. I promise, El. Please hold on. Kathy let them go! Please!" Olivia begged as she held Elliot's head in her hands. The doctor pushed Olivia out of the way and pushed a syringe into his arm. Elliot returned to the comatose state he was in before.

"That will hold for a bit but, he needs surgery. Right now." The surgeon looked up at Kathy. She was waving the gun between the doctor and Olivia as if she were confused as to who she was supposed to be aiming at.

"Go. Take him." Kathy lowered her gun. "Olivia stays."

"Thank you." Olivia whispered.

"I didn't do it for you." Kathy snapped.

"I know."


	6. Chapter 6

AUTHOR'S NOTE: IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN! NEW CHAPTER! SO ENJOY AND AS ALWAYS PLEASE LEAVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIMS AND POSTITIVE COMMENTS! I LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS THINK. I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE IT AND KEEP READING. ENJOY !

Chapter 9: Here They Talked About Tomorrow And Tomorrow Never Came

"If he dies this is on you. You tell the cops you shot him." Kathy said after ten minutes of silence.

"Yeah. Okay, I will. No problem. But, Kathy I need you to let the rest of these people go." Olivia said her hands still raised in surrender.

"You know I can't do that." She said.

"I can get you whatever you want. I can call the hostage negotiator and tell him what you want and that's it. It's yours. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I am not an invalid. I have been around the police force longer than you have." She said as she scratched her head with the butt of her gun.

"You're right. I forget that sometimes. So what can I do to make this better for you?" Olivia said.

"Call Alex."

"Cabot? What for?"

"I want a deal."

"Kathy, I don't know that I can do that."

"You said I could have anything. That's what I want." Kathy raised her voice and re-aimed her gun at Olivia's head.

"Okay. No problem. I am going to reach for my phone. It is in my left pocket. Okay?" Olivia asked. Kathy nodded. Olivia looked at the screen of her cell. It was just past midnight. She dialed Alex's number it rang four times. "Come on, Alex pick up." Olivia whispered to herself.

"Liv?"

"Alex, I am here with Kathy Stabler."

"Yeah, I know. I am outside. What is going on there? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am fine. Kathy wants to speak with you."

"Liv, be careful."

"Thanks, Alex." Olivia said as she handed the phone to Kathy.

"Alex. I want a deal."

"Kathy, you are in quite a bit of trouble. You are looking at, at least, four counts of murder 2. Plus, God knows what else. If you get out of prison before you die, it will be a miracle."

"I will kill myself, Liv and whoever else stands in my way if you don't get me a deal." Kathy shouted. Olivia flinched when she heard her name.

"Let me make some calls. But, If any more shots are fired I will prosecute you myself."

"Right." Kathy hung up and put Olivia's phone in her pocket.

"Everyone stays put until she calls me back." Kathy turned her back and walked towards the door. She rubbed her forehead in attempt to regroup. Meanwhile, Olivia grabbed her gun from the floor and moved quickly but, quietly towards Kathy until she had the gun pressed against the back of her head.

"This ends now." Olivia said. Rage filled her entire body as she slammed the back end of her gun on Kathy's head. She fell to the ground quickly. Olivia ushered the remaining civilians out the door.

"Hostages coming out do not shoot. I repeat do not shoot." She radioed to the SWAT team.

"Copy. Detective Benson. We have evacuated the rest of the building excluding you, detective Stabler a few doctors and the deceased." Captain Jones responded.

"Detective Stabler was shot and a few doctors took him into surgery." Olivia radioed back. She stared at Kathy's helpless body. She never pegged Kathy for the shooting rampage type.

"Copy. Stay put we are sending in SWAT members to retrieve the suspect."

"Copy." Olivia sat down on the bed a few feet away from Kathy. She kept her gun aimed just in case. However, her mind wandered. Just six hours ago her life was perfect. She had the love of her life and Calvin back. She had the family she had always dreamed of but, as with everything in her life, chaos covered her happiness in a shadow of gray. She imagined how she would have to testify at Kathy's trial and what taking care of her five children will be like. She imagined having to explain to little Eli where his mommy went or worse taking him to visit her. As she pondered her new life, she heard her phone ringing in Kathy's pocket. Olivia tip toed towards her body that moved only with the up and down motion on breath. She grabbed her phone quickly.

"Hello?"

"Liv, where's Kathy?"

"She is incapacitated."

"Jack McCoy won't give her a deal."

"That's not necessary anyway. Almost all of the hostages have been cleared out and I am waiting for SWAT to take her in."

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know. She must have just snapped. I mean five kids and a husband who works 80 hour weeks. She was bound to crack eventually." Olivia knew the truth would come out but, she thought she would keep her dignity for a few more minutes. As she said that, Olivia felt a sharp pain in the back of her neck and she lost control of her body. She collapsed to the ground.

"You stole my husband and now you tell people I just cracked. Not on my watch. I refuse to let you paint me as crazy." Kathy stood over Olivia. Olivia tried to speak but, she could not. She was completely helpless. Kathy picked up Olivia's gun and cocked it in one quick swoop. She aimed the gun carefully at Liv's head. "You know, I really wanted to like you. Elliot talked about you all the time. Liv did this super funny thing today or Liv solved this really tough case. Everyone always assured me it was the close knit relationship all cops had with their partners. It was just a survival thing but, I knew better. Elliot's mother would even say things about you. I just learned to ignore it. Even when he and I separated I worried he was somewhere with you. Do you have any idea what that is like? Of course you don't because if you did, you would have never done this to me. Well, Liv I hope you had fun while it lasted."

A shot rang out.


	7. Chapter 7

AUTHOR'S NOTE: HELLO READERS I AM SO SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY HATE ME BUT, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW ANYWAY. I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUN CHAPTER. I WROTE A LOT TO TRY AND MAKE UP FOR IT. SO AS ALWAYS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM AND LOVE ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. PLEASE DON'T HATE ON ME LOL. ALSO, JUST A WARNING I DON'T KNOW A WHOLE LOT ABOUT WEAPONS OR ARCITECTURE SO GO EASY ON THE LOGICSTICS.

Chapter 10: You're Sure Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone.

Olivia closed her eyes preparing for the impact of the bullet. Kathy had shot at the window and ran towards the side table drawer. She pulled out all the makings of a Molotov cocktail.

"Kathy, think about what you are doing." Olivia begged. Her limbs were numb from whatever drug Kathy had stabbed her with.

"I have been thinking about it for thirteen years. I am done thinking, Olivia." She lit the make shift bomb and threw it in the hall way.

Olivia closed her eyes and tried to shield her face from debris. She felt a rush of heat on her face. An explosion the size of a volcano over took the hallway next the room. Unable to move Olivia watched helplessly as Kathy fell to the ground. Her eyes fluttered between open and shut. Olivia willed her eyes open and by some stroke magic she was able to move her body again.

"Kathy, what the hell did you do?" Olivia said dragging her still heavy body across the floor.

"I did what I had to do."

"No! You had so many choices. You chose to enter this hospital that is filled with innocent people and spray shots. You chose to shoot Elliot and you chose to set off an explosive device and destroy God knows how much of this hospital and the people in it. That was all you"

"You made me do this."

"No, no you don't get to blame me for this. I have been in love with your husband for thirteen years and I just let it build and I let you hope and I apologize for that. But, He and I are happy together and I will not apologize for that." Olivia struggled to her feet and slammed the door shut. A fire in the hallway blocked the exit. Olivia had no idea what to do. None of her training had prepared her for this.

"Olivia, you're right. I just needed someone to blame. Our marriage was broken long before you came along." Tears poured down Kathy's blood smeared cheek. "I am so sorry."

Olivia tried to ignore her and find a way out but, she had to say something. She walked over and crouched next to Kathy. Just as she prepared to speak, a noise came from the hall. A noise that meant only one thing, this building was not going to stay standing for much longer.

Liv looked around she scanned her brain for a plan. She had nothing.

"Kathy, we need to get out of here." Olivia interrupted Kathy who was still trying to apologize.

"I know. I am not going anywhere."

"What? No, no, no…no. You have five children who need their mother."

"I don't Maureen, Kathleen, Dick and Elizabeth are all grown up. They don't need me anymore and Eli… well you have been there for every important moment in his life. You have always wanted children, well no is your chance. Just don't tell him what really happened here today. He needs to know his mommy was a good person." Kathy said walking towards the door.

"Kathy, I will not let you do this." Olivia said running at her and grabbing at the door. She quickly pulled her hand away when she felt it burning. The floor below them continued to moan and crack underneath them.

"Just let me go."

"No, come over here and get under this bed. It should keep us safe from debris." Olivia slid under the bed just as pieces began to fall from the ceiling. Kathy walked towards the bed, as she crouched down a large chunk of the ceiling fell and land directly on top of her. Soon the entire ceiling had fallen. Kathy laid barely conscious next to the bed and Olivia was trapped. She did her best to move the piece of dry wall from Kathy's chest to no avail.

"Olivia, please help me, I can't breathe." She gasped for air.

"I am trying. Just stay with me." Olivia begged using her legs to try and kick the debris. It barely moved.

She mustered all of her energy and kicked a whole in the rubble. After regrouping, Olivia realized her arm had been pinned.

"Kathy. Can you hear me?" Olivia shouted.

"Olivia, please help me. It hurts."

"Kathy, hold on." Olivia struggled to pull her arm free but, the pain was too much. Olivia listened as Kathy struggled to breath.

"Liv, I need you promise me you will take care of Eli. He needs you."

"Kathy, you are not going anywhere. You can't give up."

"Olivia, I am not going to make it. You and I both know it will be hours before anyone finds us. I need you to promise me."

"I promise. Just please don't give up." Olivia took a deep breath and pulled her arm from the rubble. She screamed in pain. Her arm was visibly broken in multiple places. She squeezed into the gap next to the bed. Olivia climbed across the mountain of dry wall, holding her arm still.

"Kathy? Answer me, Sweetie." Olivia called as she used her good arm to move the wreckage. "Come on, Kathy. You gotta talk to me." She kept digging. Finally she saw a piece of blonde hair. The energy surge that came with seeing her hair caused Olivia to move twice as fast. She checked Kathy for a pulse. Nothing. So she proceeded to do a one handed version of CRP. After half an hour, Olivia had nothing left and Kathy still wasn't breathing. Suddenly, Olivia noticed the agonizing pain in her arm. She could not take it and passed out.

Some hours later Olivia slowly opened her eyes. Her head was pounding and the bright lights around her weren't helping. Her mouth was so dry that her tongue felt like sand paper between her lips as she tried to speak. When her eyes finally adjusted to the lights, she could survey the area around her. Bellevue had never been Olivia's favorite hospital. At this point, all hospitals kind of sucked in Olivia's mind. She was surprised when she was able to recall every detail of the shooting. She sat up slowly and attempted to literally shake the memories from her head. She looked around for her things. She assumed it had all been collected as evidence.

Olivia waited for someone to come in but, she grew impatient when she remembered last she saw him Elliot was nearly dead. She moved quickly from her bed stumbling over the IV attached to the arm not covered in a neon pink cast.

"Shit." She whispered struggling to regain her balance. "Hello, can I get some help over here?" She called out her door. An elderly nurse came around the corner.

"Oh you're awake. That's just wonderful. You are very popular. Let's get you back in bed there, dear." The nurse held her by the arm and guided her back to the bed.

"What's that mean?" Olivia said sitting down.

"The press has been waiting to see you since you got in this morning. Not to mention all the visitors waiting to see you. You broke your arm in three places and dislocated your shoulder." The woman chuckled.

"I need to know how my family is." Olivia ignored her.

"Well, I am not sure. I can find out for you though, Hun." She said. "Can I have names? We are still trying to ID some bodies." She continued digging a bag of Olivia's stuff from the closet.

"Calvin Arliss, Haddie Peterson and Elliot Stabler." She said searching for her phone. "I have pictures." Olivia scrolled through her phone photo album. She smiled when she saw the photos Haddie and Calvin had taken the day before. "Here, this Calvin and Haddie." She swiped forward and gazed at a picture of her and Elliot at last year's Christmas party. "And this is Elliot."

"Okay, I am going to send in some of your visitors and I will look for them. Is that alright?" Olivia smiled and nodded.

"Thank you."

A few minutes later, Cragen and an oversized black man appeared in her doorway.

"How are you doing, Liv?" Cragen asked approaching.

"I have been better." She chuckled.

"This is Captain Andre Jones." Cragen said. The gentleman leaned forward and shook Olivia's hand.

"Detective Benson, I wanted to personally thank you for your work last night." He gushed.

"I was just doing my job." Olivia said knowing full well that the shooting would have never occurred if she wasn't such a screw up.

"Nonsense, you went above and beyond last night and I want you to know how thankful I am." He continued.

"Trust me, you don't mean that." Olivia said realizing just how sore her entire body was particularly her arm. She rubbed her finger across the bump on the back of her neck where Kathy drugged her.

"Captain Jones, may I have a moment with my detective?" Cragen asked.

"Of course, thank you again." He said stepping out of the room.

"Listen, Liv, I think we need to come up with something to tell the press." He said sitting on a chair in the corner of the room.

"Captain, I made a mistake and I deserve to suffer the consequences."

"Olivia, I don't know exactly what went on between you and Kathy Stabler but, don't you think you have been punished enough? IAB will be all over this, you could lose your shield and your pension." He said quietly.

"I killed her."

"No, she killed herself. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I stole her husband, I destroyed her marriage and I tried to brand her as crazy. I ruined her."

"Olivia, I am not going to sit here and tell you what you did was right but, I am not going to sit back and let you ruin yourself. Let me know what you want to do." Cragen said standing up and tapping Olivia gently on the leg. As he walked out the door, Olivia called to him.

"Captain, they are dead aren't they?" He paused and turned around.

"We are still sorting things out."

"I don't think I can handle it if they are dead."

"Olivia, I am sure he is fine. There were over 400 people in that building, 120 of whom were in the explosion zone. Only 15 confirmed fatalities, those odds are good. They have a huge search team looking for survivors. Just get better. I heard they are releasing you in the morning. You can help us look then. "


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 11: It Takes A Fool to Love You And I'm Just The Fool For You

The hospital released Olivia from the hospital around noon the next day. Her clothes had been ruined and so she wore only a pair of mismatched scrubs twice her size. Without stopping to change her clothes, Olivia hailed a cab and rode straight to the precinct. She ran into the squad room as Cragen was briefing a new group of search and rescue.

"Stay focused and don't try and be a hero. Report everything. Let's get going." Cragen finished up as Olivia sat down on her desk. He walked into his office gesturing for Olivia to follow. She stood up while attempting to adjust the not so comfortable sling on her arm. She walked into the Captain's office for the first time in days.

"Shut the door please." He said to her as he sat on the edge of his desk. Olivia tapped the door shut with her foot.

"Any word?"

"You look terrible. You didn't go home and get cleaned up?"

"No time. I need to help with the search." She said shimmying out of the sling.

"Put that back on."

"I'm fine. Any word?"

"Um, why don't you have a seat?" Cragen said quietly. Olivia's heart skipped a beat. She sat down cautiously. "Warner called last night."

"Hang on for a second. I just need a moment."

"Liv, there has been no sign of Elliot. Or Calvin."

"Okay, that is good. No news is good news right?"

"Right."

"I mean, there is still hope. We should get to the scene and help look…" Olivia stood up and moved towards the door as she spoke.

"Liv," Cragen cut her off. "The found Haddie."

"They did. Is she okay?" She froze with her hand on the doorknob. She didn't turn around. His silence said everything. "Is she dead?"

"I am so sorry."

"I'm fine."

"Olivia, you need to rest."

"No, I need to go find my family." She flung the door open and rushed towards the locker room. She pulled an extra pair of clothes from the top shelf, they fell to the ground. Soon Olivia found herself on the ground too. Tears pouring down her face and pooling on the floor in front of her. She had always gotten attached to her cases but, Haddie was different. She should have protected her and kept her safe.

She suddenly realized there was still a chance for her to find Calvin. She could keep him safe and happy. She wiped her face on her shirt. Carefully, she began to pull her shirt off over her head. She winced as she pulled her shattered arm through her sleeve. She wanted to give up so badly. It was all she could do not to climb to the roof and step right off. Olivia stayed on the floor clutching her now throbbing arm.

"Olivia, they found him. They found Calvin." Cragen jogged past the locker room. That news was just the push she needed to pick herself up. After dressing herself and returning the sling to her arm, Olivia ran after Don.

"Captain, where is he?" She said catching up with him at the elevators.

"He is in the Peds ICU at New York Pres. I will drive."

Chapter 12: I Will Fall If You Come Around

Olivia ran full speed into the room the nurses told her was Calvin's. She knew there was still a chance it wasn't Calvin, those sorts of mistakes happened all the time. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. She approached the bed and opened her eyes.

There he was scratched, bruised and unconscious but, alive. Olivia grabbed his hand as tears streamed down her still tear stained cheeks.

"He is doing really well today. Good brain activity." A doctor whispered as she looked at Calvin's chart. "He is really lucky. It could have been a lot worse."

"I know. His best friend passed away in the incident." Olivia said wiping her tears on her sleeve.

"I am sorry to hear that. It is never gets easier." She sat down in the chair next to Olivia. "I am Dr. Wellington, by the way, head of neurosurgery."

"Olivia Benson."

"You're the detective who saved all those people the other at the hospital. You're a hero."

"Not really. I was just doing my job." Olivia replied. At that point it sounded completely rehearsed. She had lied so many times that she even started to believe it.

"Listen, He is going to come out of this. He is going to be fine." placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "If you have some time, we have quite a few unidentified patients from the accident. Maybe you could take a look at some Polaroids?" She handed a stack to Olivia. Liv nodded carefully and smiled. The doctor stood up and began walking out the door.

"Dr. Wellington?"

"Melanie."

"Right, Melanie. I just wanted to say thank you."

"I am just doing my job." She responded with a smile as she walked out the door.

Olivia sighed as she looked at Calvin. This was her fault. Haddie was dead because of her. She flipped mindlessly through the photographs. Suddenly, she threw all the pictures down but, one. She ran to the nurse's station.

"Where is this patient?"

"Excuse me." One nurse said.

"I need to see this patient."

"I can't tell you that, unless you are family."

"I think you can." She flashed her badge.

"Room 1423" The nurse answered quietly. Olivia sprinted up the six flights of stairs and down the hallway to the fourteenth floor nurse's station.

"May I help you?"

"Where's room 1423?" she almost yelled at the nurse.

"Around the corner, third door on the left." Olivia's inability to breathe didn't stop her from running the rest of the way to the room.

"El? Elliot is that you?"


	9. Chapter 9

AUTHOR'S NOTE: OKAY, IT IS OFFICAL I AM THE WORST FAN FIC WRITER EVER. I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS STORY EXSISTED UNTIL SOMEONE FAVORITED IT THIS MORNING. SO FIRST I AM SORRY. SECOND , I AM GOING TO GET MY STUFF TOGETHER AND FINISH THIS STORY AND START SOME NEW ONES. PLEASE KEEP READING AND HITTING ME WITH CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS.

Chapter 13: You'll Know It, I Can Guarantee, When The Right One Comes Along

The man sat up slowly. Olivia smiled hopefully.

"Have we met?" He said.

"It's me, Liv." Olivia sat down in the chair next to him.

"Are you one of the vitcims?"

"Elliot, I am your partner." She said standing up and grabbing his chart. After fourteen years, the charts still confused her. She knew one thing; when one reads severe head trauma, they know something is going on.

"My partner? Are we gay? I mean, that doesn't make sense, you are clearly all woman." He said. Olivia blushed as he checked her out.

"No, you are a detective with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. We have been partners for fourteen years." Olivia stated. She decided she would hold off on the whole "I am also your adulterous girlfriend" thing.

"Oh, sorry, I mean… you don't look like a man… at all. That was stupid of me. I am not myself." Elliot said trying to cover his tracks.

"It's really not a big deal. Trust me. Anyway, have you talked to the doctors?" She changed the subject quickly in order to avoid silence.

"No, I actually just woke up. So we have worked together for fourteen years and I never tried to hit that?" Elliot asked. Olivia was unable to contain her laughter. "Oh my God, I am… I am so sorry that was completely insensitive."

"Calm down. It is fine. You were married during most of our time together." Olivia explained.

"Oh, is she hotter than you?" He asked, placing a gentle hand on her ass.

"Um, excuse me? No. You just hadn't met me yet when you married her." Olivia said laughing but, stopping quickly remembering Kathy's lifeless body.

"Who died?" Elliot asked noticing her face.

Dr. Wellington came in before Olivia could explain what had happened.

"Detective Benson, how's Calvin?" Melanie asked.

"He was still unconscious when I left. What about Elliot here?"

"So your name is Elliot? Good to know." Melanie said making a notation on the chart.

"Well, Elliot, you have some swelling and bleeding in your frontal lobe, which will likely cause you to have issues with impulse control."

"Ahhh, thus the ass grabbing." Olivia said, both she and Elliot laughing.

"Yes, that would explain it. As for the long term memory loss, that is triggering some worry for me. You have some fluid in your cerebrum. It does not appear to be going away on its own like the other issue. I am thinking we are going to have to do a craniotomy."

"Wait, brain surgery? Is that dangerous?" Olivia asked. She knew the answer.

"It can be. But, I am very good at what I do. "Melanie said. "In the meantime, I have some forms that need to be filled out. At least with what you can remember."

"I honestly remember nothing." Elliot said finally getting a word in.

"I can fill out the paperwork." Olivia said.

"Are you sure? There are a lot of personal questions on here." Melanie handed her a clipboard.

"Yeah. I can handle it." Olivia said. She knew basically everything about him. As Olivia filled out the first page she came to the section about family history. "Shit, the kids." She said out loud.

"You have kids?" Elliot asked.

"No, you do. I mean I have foster son." Olivia explained. "I have to go talk to them. I will come back to see you in a bit." Olivia rushed through the rest of the papers filling in almost every blank. Excluding, of course, the section about Elliot's father.

Chapter 14: If You've Got Something To Say, Say It To Me Now

Olivia pulled up at the Stabler house about half an hour later. A car was sitting on the house; Olivia assumed Cragen had something to do with it. She sat in her car for a while unsure how she would handle this. As her mind drifted there was a knock at the window. Dickie Stabler now stood right around six feet tall, he had a five o' clock shadow and dressed just like his father. Olivia unlocked the car door. He opened it and sat down next to her. For a moment, no words were spoken.

"Listen, Dick. I am so sorry about everything." She began.

"Olivia, just stop. We are all adults here. I understand we all have needs. I don't, however, understand how it got this bad. I knew from the day I saw you two working together that there was more between you guys then there ever was between my parents. But, Olivia how could you let it go this far?" He was hurt. Olivia saw the light was gone from his eyes. She had no idea how to begin to repair this.

"Dickie, I have no idea how to fix this. I know you are an adult now but, I wouldn't want any person to understand why I make the decisions I do. I would not wish the loneliness or the pain I have lived with my entire life on even my worst enemy. I have lived through a lot of shit and at some point you kind of lose track of what is right. It is just for a second but, it is always long enough to make a huge mistake. I can sit here and say that this was wrong and I am sorry for all of it but, it's not true. I don't regret falling in love with your father, I regret the way I handled my feelings. I spent fourteen years trying to ignore my feelings and you just can't do that. You understand me? You can't keep things bottled up inside because-" As Olivia spoke she noticed a look in Dickie's eyes. A look she had seen from his father many times but, before she could react his lips were pressed against hers. She shoved him away quickly. "Hey, hey. No! that is not what I meant."

"But, I don't want to hold it in anymore." He said.

"You are grieving. You don't know how to feel."

"No, Olivia, I love you."

"Oh sweetie, No you don't. You have a crush." Olivia said.

"Don't patronize me, Benson." He said.

"I am not trying to patronize you. It is just not okay for you to do that." She was a little bit frightened by how much he reminded her of Elliot. The way the veins popped out of his neck when he was angry. The way he crossed his arms as if to signify how he no longer wanted to have a conversation.

"What to kiss a beautiful woman?" Dick said shifting in his seat to face her.

"That is very sweet of you but, this is never going to happen."

"Oh come on. You'll sleep with anyone who says you're pretty."

"Excuse me, why would you say something like that? Where did you hear that?" Olivia asked.

"I just hear things. It doesn't matter if it's true. The gay guy, the two journalists, the FBI agent, the Marshall, and the guy who worked with you and my dad. I mean that is just the tip of the iceberg." Dickie showed no remorse for what he was saying.

"That is not true and whoever said that is a liar. I am a woman who has needs and I am not shy about my sexuality but, I am not a slut. I work all the time and so I end up dating losers sometimes. Why am I even explaining this to you? You are fucking man child."

"I have heard my parents talking about you for years." He began.

"Your father said these things about me?"

"I mean…No…Yes but, I am sure he didn't mean it." He said quietly.

"Get out of the car."

"What?"

"Get out of the fucking car, Dickie." Olivia yelled. Dickie scrambled out of the car faster than she had ever seen. Olivia drove around the corner and parked in an alley. Tears poured out of her eyes. The one person she thought understood her.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: BY THE WAY, I DON'T THINK LIV IS A SLUT AT ALL! IT IS JUST NEEDED FOR THE STORY LINE. SO DON'T GET ON MY CASE ABOUT THAT.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 15: I See No Bravery, Just Sadness

After spending about twenty minutes alone in her car Olivia started to drive back to the hospital. Calvin could be awake by now and she didn't want him to be alone. She had this feeling like just when her life seemed to be going well something had to turn around a screw it up. As she thought about what she would say to Elliot or if she would even speak to him, her phone rang. She dug around in her purse with her one working arm while trying to keep her car in the proper lane with her knee.

"Hello." She picked it up without checking the caller ID.

"Hey Liv, I need you to swing by the precinct there is something we need to talk about." Captain Cragen spoke with an odd sense of urgency.

"Is everything alright?"

"Well, I had a squad car park outside the Stabler house and the uniformed officers told me you went over there."

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"No but, you making out with Dickie is."

"Excuse me. I hardly call Dickie kissing me and me pushing him away immediately making out."

"Well, I believe you but, Nelson is having some trouble understanding."

"Nelson? Nelson is a twit." Olivia said without really thinking.

"Okay, easy."

"Sorry, I am having a rough week."

"I know. So I will see you in a bit?"

"Um, I am going to swing by the hospital really quick, If that's alright. I need to see if Calvin is awake yet. I want to be the one to tell him about Haddie."

"That's fine. Just Liv, make sure you know what you are doing here." Cragen's voice changed a bit.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just think about whether Elliot is worth all this trouble."

"Right now, I am not sure about anything. I just need to talk to him."

"Okay, well stop by here when you are finished."

"Kay. Um…"

"What is it, Liv?"

"Thanks, Don."

"See you later."

Chapter 16: I Am Aching You Can't Deny Me , My Kingdom

Olivia paced back and forth past Elliot's door. She spent the length of Elliot's four hour surgery and recovery by Calvin's side. He woke up for about five minutes, which was just long enough to see that there was no long term brain damage. She was trying to figure out what to say to Elliot. Melanie had said the surgery was very successful and his memory seemed to be fully restored. Olivia was almost disappointed. Now she had to talk to him about the past.

"You have been out there for an hour. Are you going to come and kiss me or..." Elliot called from his bed. Olivia's heart jumped when she heard his voice. She walked into the room with her hands tucked into her back pockets. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I am fine." Olivia lied as she tucked her hair behind her ear and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Even after being shot and crushed by a pile of rubble, I know when there is something you need to say." Elliot winced as he sat up and signaled for Olivia to sit down on the bed. She ignored him.

"When you were with Kathy, before we started, when you were with Kathy did you tell her… did you call me…a slut?" Olivia asked. Elliot paused and cleared his throat.

"I would never say that about you."

"Don't you dare lie to me! I will smother you with a pillow and show no remorse."

"Liv, I said what I had to say to convince Kathy I had no feelings for you."

"I have had perps call me a bitch, spit on me, hit me, assault me and everything else in the book. But coming from you, from the man who claims to love me, it hurts more than any of that combined."

"I never said anything to Kathy that I didn't say to you."

"You are a liar. You never told me that I was a slut or recounted my sexual escapades or that I would 'sleep with anyone who called me pretty'. You never said that to me but, you said it to Kathy."

"Who told you that?"

"It doesn't matter who told me. You said it. You went behind my back and said things to hurt me. That is not okay. I am not just going to let you treat me however you feel. I may have had a lot of men in my life but, I was ready for you to be it. I waited 13 years for you I spent those years trying to find someone better than you. I slutted around searching for someone to replace you. So you don't get to say that." Olivia walked towards the door and paused. " I'm glad you are okay."

"Olivia, please talk to me." Elliot yelled but, she was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 17: Sun Come Up, It Was Blue and Gold

Olivia spent so much of her life waiting. Waiting for her mother to stop drinking, waiting for a father to love her, waiting for Elliot. The past 44 years had been a waiting game and she was done waiting. If Elliot wanted her, he could do the waiting and the hunting for a change. She spent her entire drive to the precinct alternating between unadulterated anger and full hysterics. She parked her car on the street in front of the 1-6, in hopes that this would be a short visit. Standing in the elevator alone praying for this terrible day to end Olivia screened Elliot's 19th call. The doors opened on the 4th floor to let on more passengers. In walked young uni, Nelson. Olivia had never been one to take her anger out on other people but, Nelson had what was coming to him.

"Officer Nelson, how are you on this fine evening?" Olivia asked moving towards the elevator buttons.

"I… I am ggg-good…How are you, Detective Benson?" Nelson stuttered and stared at his shiny black shoes.

"Well, Nelson, I have to say I'm not doing real well. And I think you know why, don't you?" She said pulling the emergency stop. The car came to an abrupt stop.

"I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I swear it. I just… I have to report everything. You know you have been on the job longer than I have been alive. I mean… uh that came out wrong." He moved against the far wall. Olivia followed him and pinned to the wall and grabbed his collar.

"First, Richard Stabler and I have never and will never have any sort of relations. Second, if you ever call me old again I will have your balls in a jar on my book shelf and you will never get your shield. finally, my relations are none of your business or anyone else's for that matter. Do I make myself absolutely clear?" Anger spewed out with every word she said.

"Yes, Yes. I am so sorry, Detective." Nelson managed to choke out. Olivia smiled and released him from her grip, straightening his shirt.

"Now, you will come with me right now to talk to Cragen. Won't you?" She said starting the elevator again. Nelson nodded violently. "Good." The doors opened on the SVU floor as Olivia and Nelson step out of the doors Cragen came around the corner.

"Captain, Nelson would like to speak with you." Olivia said smiling.

"Yes, um what I saw earlier … it um… clearly Detective Benson pushed Mr. Stabler away. It was my mistake." He said quietly.

"That's fine, Officer Nelson. Don't let it happen again." Cragen said seeming distracted. Nelson nodded and scurried quickly away.

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?" Cragen asked.

"It was just Elliot. Why? What happened?" Olivia said knowing something had happened simply because that's what her life was.

"Dickie, he is in the psych ward at Bellevue."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Olivia said turning back towards the elevator.

"He attempted suicide."

"And let me guess this is somehow my fault?" She said realizing mid-sentence how awful that sounded "I mean is he okay?"

"Well, how would you be if you had lost your Mother and the love of your life in one week?" Cragen said running to his car.

"Well, I am half way there and I am not doing awesome so, naturally he is a shit show." Olivia flinched when she heard her selfish words. The 47 hours without sleep combined with all the shit that has gone down had produced a new not so nice side of Olivia.

"You take your squad car and take some time to get yourself together." Cragen said. Olivia was hoping he hadn't noticed her mascara stained face, blood shot eyes and raw, bright pink nose.

She turned on the car but, didn't start driving right away. Thinking about the hospital led her to think about Elliot. She couldn't talk to him because if he said something sweet and perfect, she might have the strength to say no. But, did she really want to say no? She had seen the ugliest parts of Elliot and he of her. But, there had to be a reason that this would never work. She paused and listened for the voices in her head. The ones that always fought with her whenever she made a decision. But, she heard nothing. Every part of her wanted, no needed, to be with Elliot. He hurt her but, she never gave him a chance to explain or even apologize. She had caused so much suffering and to just give up over some name calling would be foolish.

Chapter 18: Happiness Is Just Outside My WIndow

The car ride gave Olivia all the time she needed to make her decision and change her mind a hundred times. She sat in the hospital parking lot for the umpteenth time in the past week. Looking in her rearview mirror, Olivia gasped at the sight of her reflection. She was the definition of a hot mess. It had been days since she had slept, showered or eaten and it was obvious. Darkness encircled her brown eyes and the scratches that remained from the incident crusted over. The sling from her broken arm had already begun to fray and rub at her purple sweater. Not to mention the rats nest that sat on top of her head. She did her best to put her hair up and conceal the marks on her face with her one good arm. That was no small feat. But, somehow she got out of the car looking a bit more like her normal beautiful self.

Cragen held the elevator door open for her. She picked up a jog as to ensure he wouldn't wait too long.

"That's more like it." He said smiling at her new appearance.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled coyly knowing full well that she still looked pretty awful. "So, um what's the plan here?" She asked carefully.

"Well, I think you need to talk to both of them." He said removing his Kango hat.

"You want me to talk to both of them? Today?" She said unsure if she could handle all that.

"Dickie, needs some sort of stability, I mean all the kids do. If you are going to really be with Elliot, you need to stay with Elliot and make that commitment to his family. They lost their mother and they probably blame you." He replied gesturing towards the open doors.

"Wow. Um okay… I … Um, I need a minute." Liv paused and leaned against the wall in the hallway.

"Liv, you okay?" Cragen placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Um… Yeah, I'm just a little dizzy." She said losing her balance and sitting down on the ground.

"Woah. Okay … Easy… Careful. Can we get some help over here?" Cragen yelled down the hall. A nurse rushed over.

"I'm fine. I just haven't eaten in a while." Olivia said attempting to stand but, falling once again.

"Okay, well let's just take a look to make sure." The nurse said summoning a wheel chair.

"No, I swear I am okay." She stood up her legs wobbled beneath her.

"Olivia, get in the chair. Now. That is not a request. You just survived a huge tragedy not three days ago." Cragen ordered.

Olivia sat down reluctantly with an exaggerated rolling of her eyes.

"Soon as you're medically cleared, I want you talking to Elliot, is that clear?" Cragen said walking alongside the wheel chair.

"Yeah, okay."

Chapter 19: I Still Need You And You Still Need Me

Six hours and at least a dozen tests later Olivia was released, her life changed forever. She stopped in on Calvin again. She just watched him as he slept and dreamed of a simpler time. Thousands of thoughts flooded her mind as she walked towards Elliot's room. She attempted to put it out of her brain so she could have the conversation with Elliot. She stood in the doorway silently, just watching him breathe.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." She walked in and turned the television on mute. "How's Dickie?"

"He is going to be alright. Listen, Liv, Dickie told me about what happened. I am so sorry. I should have listened to him. He used to say things and I would just laugh it off as hormones. I am just so sorry." Elliot pleaded. Olivia sat down on the edge of his bed. "What's wrong? Cragen said you were being looked at."

"Nothing… I just… It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Liv, Come on, talk to me. I am sorry about everything. I never should have said those things even if it was for Kathy's sake. I never meant any of it."

"That's the thing, you did mean it. Kathy didn't twist your arm and put those words in your mouth. "Olivia said quietly.

"You're right. But, honestly, I was jealous. I wanted you and didn't think anyone else should have you." Elliot sat up carefully and adjusted the bandage around his skull.

"You always put Kathy and the kids before me and I let that happen because I knew that if we were meant to be together, we would be. And then that night happened and I felt so guilty. Like I was just as bad as any of the perps we had busted. Then you said you loved me and you said everything I had needed to hear and Kathy didn't matter to me anymore. I was selfish and I didn't care anymore and that was wrong. I was able to convince myself that I deserved to be happy and that karma wouldn't come for me. Now look at life. You here, Kathy and Haddie dead, Calvin in a coma, Dickie suicidal and me…" Olivia trailed off.

"Liv, you can't blame yourself for this. I did this. I knew back before Eli was born that I wanted to be with you. When you went undercover with the FBI, I knew it but, then Eli happened and I felt like I had to stay with her. This is on me. I cheated but, I never regretted it for a second. I love you and I want to be with you." He took her by the hand.

"I love you too and I want to be with you too but, is what we want worth all of this?" She asked.

"It is to me." Elliot pulled her down and pressed her lips to his.

"What was that for?" She asked smiling sheepishly.

"Because I can tell when you need it." He replied kissing her again.

"El, I need to tell you something." She said pushing him back a bit.

"What is it?" He asked concerned.

"The doctor found something on my tests." She said after a long pause.

"Whatever it is I am here for you." Elliot replied quietly.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 20: When You Wake Up Wanting Me, Change Your Mind

Olivia paced around the hospital room. She bit at the skin around her finger nails nervously.

"Liv, what is it?" Elliot shifted carefully in his bed.

"I just, I don't know, I just need to think." Olivia said sighing and slumping down into a chair.

"Well, if you tell me what is going on maybe I can help you think?" He slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Easy, be careful. You need to lie back down." Olivia leapt up and ushered him back.

"Not until you tell me what is going on here." Elliot braced his hands on the mattress. Olivia sat down next to him on the bed.

"It's just things like this don't happen to people like me." Olivia said with tears in her brown eyes. "I work, hard and I do what I am supposed to… most of the time. I just I can't believe this is happening."

"You need to tell me what is going on, now." Elliot raised his voice slightly.

"El, I'm two months pregnant." She whispered cautiously. A silence overtook the room. Olivia looked at Elliot's pensive face. "Can you say something please?"

"Liv, I…um… I just need a minute to think. I have five children. Their mother is dead and I was just getting used to the idea of us. I need to think." He spoke candidly.

"Do you think this how I thought my life would go? Falling in love with the perfect, married man who could care less about me, finally get his attention after thirteen years, and then get his wife to commit suicide, kiss his son and end up pregnant at forty six years old. Yeah, sounds like a God damn fairytale to me. I am like fucking Cinderella!" Olivia screamed.

"Olivia, keep your voice down. We just need to talk about this in a calm, rational way."

"Screw you, Stabler. There is nothing to talk about. All I have ever wanted was to be a good mother to a child of my own. So honestly there is nothing to discuss. I am happy about this whether you are or not. What do you expect me to do here?" Olivia paced around. At this point she had thrown her jacket at him.

"I just am not sure this is what you want. Having a child his hard. And I just think that at your age you might want to think twice before diving in." Elliot said shyly.

"What are you suggesting here, Elliot?"

"Nothing, just that we should discuss this before you just decide."

"So, your good Catholic man act really was a bunch of bullshit. Say it. Just say you want me to get an abortion. Quick being a pussy and just for once say what you mean." Olivia said.

"Hey, I would never, ever ask you to do that. I am just saying maybe we should take some time and think about this…separately. Just a few days."

"You know what Elliot; take all the time you need because I have no desire to ever see you again." Olivia walked out the door leaving behind the only man she had ever truly loved and who had ever loved her.

Chapter 21: It's So Quite Here And It Feels So Cold

Six months had passed and Olivia had last seen Elliot. She transferred to Brooklyn the day after the big fight and had not heard from anyone at the 1-6. But, there was a dedication service at the newly rebuilt Manhattan Pres. The hospital had asked Olivia to speak at the service but, she did not think she should be the one to speak. To them she was still the hero who saved the hospital but, she knew better. Olivia contemplated going to support the victims and their families. Everything in her life had almost fallen into place. Pregnancy looked good on her and her new job had no strings attached. No sexual tension, no sick need to make sure everyone around her was happy, she was free. Not to mention Brooklyn paid her more for less hours. But, of course, she knew something was missing. She had lived her whole life without a father and she did not want that for her child. She knew she had to at least get back on speaking terms with Elliot. This dedication would be the perfect place to corner him.

Olivia attempted to squeeze into one of her many black dresses but, her swollen belly made that a rather difficult task. After about half an hour, she finally found gave up and decided to go shopping. After two hours and three hundred dollars at the baby store, Olivia wandered into the maternity department. She needed to look hot or at least as hot as one can look at eight months pregnant. While shuffling through the hideous piles of clothing at Bloomingdale's, Olivia's phone rang. She fumbled through her purse and answered the phone on the final ring without looking at the caller ID.

"Detective Benson." She said as she readjusted the purse on her arm. There was no response just labored breathing. "Hello?" She tried again. Suddenly she could hear a collection of familiar voices in the background.

"How many times can I apologize for this whole thing? It has been six months" A familiar a man shouted. Elliot had always had a problem with pocket dialing.

"What you did to her and to this precinct is unacceptable."

"Don, I have tried everything. I called her, she didn't answer. I texted her, no response. I even went to her apartment, she moved. I don't know what else to do. That's my child too."

"Yeah, that child whom you wanted nothing to do with. You made a huge mistake. The dedication maybe your only chance to fix this, Assuming she actually shows up."

"I am sure as hell going to try." He said. Olivia hung up her phone quickly.

She thought about Elliot every day since their break up but, what he did and said to her was so awful. She wondered if she could ever truly forgive him. No matter how much she still loved him.

"Maybe this was a mistake." She thought aloud as she pulled out a beautiful black dress. It was the perfect balance of sexy and sophisticated. If this wasn't a sign, she knew there wouldn't be one.

She bought the dress and rushed home to get herself together. She was always late these days. Her inability to fit behind the wheel of a car made her commute a bit less efficient but, it would all be worth it when she held her child in her arms. She was running behind schedule and knew the event already started as she walked in. All eyes were on her as she let the hospital door slam behind her but, all she could see was the surprised smirk on Elliot's face.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 22: Maybe Tonight In Your Dreams, Consider Me

AUTHOR'S NOTE: HOLA PEOPLES! BACK AGAIN WITH A NEW CHAPTER YAY! I AM GETTING EXCITED ABOUT WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING IN MY HEAD. SO KEEP READING AND THROWING OUT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM AND I WILL KEEP WRITING. PS I AM STARTING A NEW BENSLER AND BENSARO FIC. IT IS PRETTY SAD SO LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD START POSTING IT.

Her face was frozen in a half smile as she led Calvin to two seats at the back of the room. She and Calvin had settled into their new lives as family quite well. Olivia's new job made it a lot easier for her to be a great mother to him. The knot that had sat in the pit of Elliot's stomach for months suddenly disappeared. He spent so many hours dreaming of how he would have reacted if he was given a second chance. What he would have said and how he would not have missed a moment of life with them. He mind began to drift back to that place when he was snapped back to reality. It was his turn to speak at the podium. As the husband of the suicide murderer, he had an obligation to try to apologize to the victims and their families. For weeks, he had planned and read and rewrote his speech. Public speaking had never been his favorite thing.

Olivia stifled a gasp when she saw Elliot take the podium. He rubbed the top of his head and Olivia feared his nerves would get the best of him. He squinted as he switched his gaze from his notes to her eyes. He placed his speech in his jacket pocket and cleared his throat.

"You know I have had this speech planned for weeks. I have practiced and memorized just so I could ensure I found the perfect words to honor your loved ones but, here's the thing, no matter how much you practice and plan in life things go wrong. People make mistakes, try as we may we can never avoid them. All we can do is enjoy the little things and fight like hell to keep the people who love us happy. Latch on to the people who make you smile and never, ever hurt them. I have hurt a lot of people whom I love very much. I hurt the woman who means everything to me and I regret it every day. Tragedies like this remind us that every time we speak, it may be the last sentence we say, every time we act it, may be our last action and every time we take a breath, it may be the last breath we draw. Because of these facts it is so important to love and forgive. It is my hope that one day you can learn to forgive my ex-wife, Kathy, the woman who changed your lives forever. Not for me or for her or for anyone but, yourself. I also hope that you will all find a love to latch onto and never, ever let go of. Be it your children, grandchildren, best friend, spouse or the perfect, beautiful, co-worker you have always loved." Elliot chuckled a bit as he spoke about Olivia. "Just hold on to love and just forgive. We will never forget all of the lives lost in this hospital on that day nearly seven months ago. Thank you." He bowed his head slightly as he stepped down from the podium.

A choir stepped up and began a verse of Ave Maria. Olivia's mind began to race as Elliot approached her. She scanned the room for an exit. Elliot was standing next to her before she could get out. She wanted to run away and forget how much he hurt her. She flinched when he grabbed her hand and took her towards the lobby. She signaled for Calvin to stay in his seat.

It was completely silent in the hall outside the dedication ceremony. Elliot listened to Olivia's ragged breath and watched as the vein in her neck pulsed wildly.

"I…um…I don't know where to begin…" Elliot started to speak.

"Stop." Olivia cut him off. There was a pause. Silence filled the air between them. "You… um…you really fucked up here. I mean, like a major, major fuck up and um…I don't know if I can ever get over that." Olivia fought back tears. "I know what it is like to grow up with a parent who wished I was never born and um… I don't …Our child…This child will never feel that way." Olivia finally gave up and allowed the tears to fall.

Elliot's heart sank as he realized she was right. He was awful.

"I am so sorry about everything. I panicked and I know that is no excuse for the way acted but, it's the truth." He was never very good at emotions.

"You think I am just going to what? Just shrug this off and jump into your arms? Sorry, Champ that is not going to happen. I mean, seriously?" Olivia sat down on the edge of a water fountain. "Jesus, they don't teach you how tiring growing a human is." She pulled her heels off her already sore feet and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Elliot sat down next to her and began massaging her feet.

"Better?" He asked with a smile.

"I am only letting you do this because my feet really hurt. I don't forgive you." Olivia said closing her eyes.

"Liv, I am in this." Elliot said.

"Who said I wanted you?" She said opening one of her eyes and glaring at him.

"Of course, you do. I mean, look at me." He laughed.

"Easy, buddy."

"Just saying."

"Okay, in all seriousness, I don't know if I can trust you anymore." Olivia said pulling her feet down off of Elliot's lap.

"Liv, we are partners. At work, we trusted each other. When we dated we trusted each other. I never once doubted you."

"I never gave you a reason to doubt me." Olivia said hitting him with her purse.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"I was and am nothing but, self-reliant and trustworthy. I have always had my shit together."

"Oh yeah? How about the time you spent a week and a half chasing after your brother? I still don't think you got off Cragen's list for that one. Or the rogue mission with the Green Peacers? Or anything having to do with any of our child related cases. I could go on and on."

"Okay, but, you trusted me and everything worked out. How do I know that is how this is going to work?" Olivia asked.

"You don't. It's a risk. But, what is life without a few risks? Boring."

"I could use a little boring in my life."

"Take this risk and I promise the payoff will be amazing. No matter what happens, I am not going anywhere." He said taking her hand in his. As he did Olivia felt a cold piece of metal pass from his hand to hers. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She never really understood why people would cry during a proposal until this very moment. As the tears feel from her eyes and her blurred vision cleared, Olivia saw Elliot on one knee in front of her.

"You can't. I mean…No." She whispered.

"No?" Elliot asked surprised and little dismayed.

"You don't get to just waltz in here and say all the perfect things and get what you want. I have to think about Calvin. He knows how much you hurt me. I can only hide so much from a thirteen year old. He knows and what about our child? I just don't think I can make a commitment to you and not know whether or not you can make the same commitment." Olivia said trying to wipe her constant tears.

"So… No." Elliot said sitting back on the fountain ledge. Shock and pain covered his face.

"I'm not saying no. I am saying proved it." She said standing up as Calvin approached. "Come on, Hun." She said putting her arm around Calvin's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Calvin asked her. She looked back at a frozen Elliot.

"Not really. But, I will be." She smiled and tussled his hair. "Let's go get something to eat. How does pizza sound?"

"Sounds great." He replied looking back at Elliot still unmoved. "Can I just um… Can I talk to him?"

"What? I mean, why?" Olivia said leaning down to his level.

"I am the man of this house and I have something to say!" Calvin puffed out his chest. Soon realizing the error in his tone amended his sentence. "I mean, Don't worry I will be fine." Calvin said. Olivia looked around and nodded.

"Alright, I will be right outside, okay?"

"Kay, I will meet you out there." He said jogging over to the fountain and sitting down. "Hey."

"Hey, Calvin, How ya doin, Buddy?" Elliot said attempting to draw attention away from his tear stained face.

"Better than you." He said chuckling.

"Yeah, I guess you are, huh?" Elliot laughed.

"Listen, Detective Stabler, Olivia is the best person in the world. She rescued me and she is the only one who has ever loved me. Now, I don't know what happened with you guys but, you need to make it right." Calvin smiled, satisfied with himself.

"I wish I knew how, Champ." Elliot replied.

"You know how. I mean, you should know. I am thirteen and I know." Calvin stood up and smiled.

"You wanna enlighten me?"Elliot asked.

"Nope, you better figure it out and fast. Your daughter will be born in a few weeks and then what?" Calvin started walking towards the door. Elliot pondered what he had just said. Then suddenly he gasped.

"Calvin, Wait!" He yelled as Calvin pushed the lobby door open.

"Yeah?"

"You said daughter?" Elliot asked beaming.

"I said nothing." Calvin said with a wink.


	14. Chapter 14

AUTHOR'S NOTE: OKAY I SWEAR I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT THE STORY THIS TIME! I WAS KINDA BLOCKED AS TO WHERE I WANTED IT TO GO. BUT, I THINK I HAVE GOT IT NOW. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

Chapter 23: Depth Over Distance Is All I Ask Of You

Elliot walked into the station house looking obviously bewildered. Cragen waved Elliot into his office as he hung up the phone. Elliot sauntered in silently.

"How was the dedication?" Cragen asked adjusting in his seat and inviting Elliot to sit all in one motion.

"It was… uh… fine." He said distracted.

"She was there wasn't she?" Cragen asked concerned.

"Um…yeah she was there. Calvin too."

"So, how did that… I mean what did she… You know what I mean." Cragen stuttered.

"She basically wants nothing to do with me." He responded leaning back in his chair.

"Well, do you blame her?" He said pouring Elliot a glass of whiskey from his drawer.

"Not at all. I mean I really messed things up here. She said she knew what it was like to have a parent that didn't want you and she wouldn't let her child feel that. She compared me to her mother. The woman who damaged her. I don't want that." He said graciously accepting the drink and sucking it down in one gulp.

"So what are you going to do to change that?" Don asked sitting down and propping his feet up the desk.

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

"Well, may I suggest you pick up the pace?"

"Everyone has a smart ass comment about the timeline but, nobody wants to give me a hint as to what I should do?" Elliot said standing up quickly.

"I can't get you out of this one. This is all you. You need to prove to her that you are worthy. Because she deserves it." Cragen said putting his feet on the ground.

"Yeah she does. But, do I?"

"You deal with some of the worst criminals in the world on a day to day basis. You make a minimal salary and work all hours for the good of the city. I think you deserve happiness. Does she make you happy?"

"She makes everyone happy. She is perfect."

"Then you need to fight for her."

"Yeah." Elliot said walking out of Cragen's office and sitting at the desk that used to belong to Olivia. It was still empty, completely untouched. As if everyone was hoping she would come back. He picked up a framed picture from the day he became a detective 3rd grade and she 2nd. It was a candid photo of the two of them wrapped in a "friendly" embrace. Their eyes locked as if nothing else and no one else mattered. It was the perfect symbol of their relationship up until recently. Olivia was everything to him and he to her. But, now things were even more complicated.

"Damn it." Elliot said aloud as he hit the desk top.

"You good?" Fin asked as he wandered in.

"Yeah. Cover for me with Cragen?" Elliot asked standing up.

"No prob." He said sinking into his chair.

Elliot grabbed his coat and the picture frame and ran out the door.

Chapter 24

Two weeks later

Olivia stirred as she woke up from an impromptu nap when she felt her iphone buzzing. Calvin passed out on the floor with a slice of pizza still in hand. She pulled her on her hoodie and stepped into the hall.

"Detective Benson." She answered.

"Hey Liv, It's Fin." She hadn't bothered to check the caller ID so the voice on the other end shocked her.

"Fin, it has been like forever. What's up?" She smiled missing her friends at the one six.

"You remember, that case awhile back with the Slovakian girls?"Olivia asked almost annoyed he would call her about a case when she no longer worked for Manhattan SVU

"Yeah, what about it?" She attempted to hide her irritation.

"The trial starts tomorrow and Novak wants you there." He said.

"Why?"

"She is saying your testimony is needed for a win. I don't know. I am outside your building can you come down to the house for a bit? You know sort this out."

"Yeah, just give me a few minutes." Olivia hung up the phone. She ran inside and caught the door just before it slammed. After a few attempts to make her hair look presentable she gave up and scooped it into a loose ponytail. Quickly scribbling out a note to a peaceful Calvin and running out the door.

She stepped out the front door of her apartment complex and was not greeted by Fin. Elliot stood with flowers in his hands.

"I was going to bring a boom box but, it seemed like a bit much." He shrugged.

Olivia paused and then walked towards him. She stopped just short of a hug and landed a fist right on his face.

"You are a piece of shit." She said as she started back towards the door.

"Olivia, wait! I just I needed a reason to get you down here. You haven't answered any of my calls or texts." He said grabbing her wrist and pulling her back towards him.

"Get your hands of me!" She yelled. A man ran up and pushed Elliot away.

"You heard her, Buddy. Leave her alone." The man said.

"Mind your business." Elliot said flashing his badge.

"Sorry, Officer." The man ran away quickly.

"Nice. Tarnish the NYPD, why don't you?" Olivia said with all the sarcasm she could muster.

"Like they need my help. Can you just please come with me?" He replied.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. There will be gummy bears involved." Elliot smiled.

"I am not just going to get into a car with you at two in the morning, because you promise me candy." Olivia laughed.

"Yes, you are."

"I really like gummy bears!" She said walking towards the car.

"I know." Elliot pulled a bag of candy out of his pocket and handed it to her before shutting her door.

Elliot and Olivia sat in silence as they drove.

"Okay, seriously, where are we going?" Olivia finally spoke.

"Do you not understand surprise?" Elliot said.

"Undue stress is not good for the baby. You could force me into preterm labor if you're not careful." She warned digging in the glove compartment for more candy.

"It's only a week early. I could live with that." Elliot chuckled passing her a bag of M&M's

"You are evil. My acceptance of your candy doesn't mean I forgive you. Nor does me taking an early morning secret car ride with you." She tried to make it perfectly clear.

"I didn't presume that it would. Thus, the surprise. Now put this on." Elliot said as he handed her a strip of black fabric.

"I don't think so." She said. Elliot snatched the candy from her hands. "Okay, okay I will do it just give me the candy." Olivia said placing the blindfold over her eyes.

The car stopped and Elliot helped a very pregnant, completely blind Olivia out of the car and up a few stairs.

"Welcome to -" A man began to speak. Elliot quickly silenced him.

"Okay, where are we? A doorman?" Olivia smiled as they got onto an elevator. Olivia counted the dings as they rose.

"Keep your eyes closed." Elliot begged as he took a keep out of his pocket and led Olivia into a room. "Ready?"

"No, I would like to stay in complete darkness." Olivia answered.

"That can be arranged." Elliot laughed.

"Just take it off." She said. Elliot pulled the blindfold off her eyes.

"Ta-dah!" Elliot shouted. Olivia looked around at a three story apartment in Manhattan that she could never afford.

"I don't understand." Olivia said.

"Well maybe this will help you get it. Follow me." Elliot walked up the stairs and down the hall and stopped at a pink door. "Go ahead." He ushered to Olivia to open the door. As she opened the door and switched on the light she was overcome by a bright pink wonderland.

"How… I mean… Where did you get the money for this place?"

"The property manager owed me a favor." Elliot smiled. "Do you like it?"

Olivia walked around the massive nursery and took in every detail. From the beautiful white crib to the mountain of stuffed animals in the corner, Olivia loved it all. Her heart leapt when she read the wall above the crib.

"Lillie. How did you know?" She smiled.

"Calvin. He helped me with all of this. There is a loft just for him on the third floor. Our room is attached here." Elliot described as he pointed at a door and led Olivia into the most beautiful room she had ever seen. "And Eli's room is down the hall. Plus, a few guest rooms for when the kids have school breaks."

"You did all this for me?" Olivia said.

"No, I did all this for our family, for our six soon to be seven beautiful children. And a little bit for you. I mean, you deserve the best and I will spend the rest of my life making sure that is exactly what you get." Elliot said.

Olivia ran her hand along the navy blue walls that surrounded the master suite. She stopped when she came to a large book.

"What is this?" She asked.

"Open it."

Olivia turned to the first page. It was a scrapbook. The pages filled with mementos from the past fourteen years of their life together. The fake cabbie license of Victor Spicer in their first case together started the book off. Every big case they had ever handled was in that book but, there were also things from their personal relationship. Tickets to Spamalot when Elliot took Olivia after a case kept her from a date and that picture from Olivia's desk. The very last page contained a piece of paper that read to be continued and the ring he had been trying to give her for months.


End file.
